Online dating has gone mainstream. Everyone knows at least a handful of couples who met online. However, with more and more people flocking to dating websites to meet their match, so are con artists. Scammers create false social media and online dating profiles to lure victims into relationships with the intention of identity theft, blackmail, extortion, and more. I ‘ve worked a few of these cases!
Keep an eye out for big red flags, and always trust your instincts. The same holds true online as it does out in the walking world: if it’s too good to be true, it probably is.
In 2012, MTV launched a show entitled “Catfish.” No, it’s not about fishing. In fact, it’s not even directly about phishing. In this show, guests come on who suspect their new online romance is with a fake person. Then, amateur investigators look into the matter. Catfishing is when someone makes a fake social media or dating site profile to get close to those they wish to blackmail, extort, or otherwise scam.
Why “catfishing”? The term was coined in 2010 documentary also entitled “Catfish” based on the practice cod fishermen used to keep their catches sharp and agile while transporting them live overseas. Fishermen would put catfish in the tanks along with the cod to keep them on their toes. Catfish are the people who keep those looking for love online on their toes.
Online dating sites have become a common way for people to meet each other. They have also become a common tank for catfish. How can you stay on your toes when you suspect there’s a catfish nipping at your fin? The answer is not to call MTV.
If you suspect you are being catfished, gather all of the information you can on this person and look for inconsistencies. Talk to those who are close to you and see how they feel about it. Talk to a private investigator that can conduct an in-depth investigation into your predicament.
Here are some red flags to look out for when meeting new people online:
First, take a look at their profile. Is this a real person? One big red flag is that their profile name doesn’t match the URL. Do all of their photos look as though they were professionally taken? Do you share any mutual friends? Do they have any friends or followers? Is there any interaction on their page or wall? Do their have photos with other people? If their photos and friends list indicates they don’t really know anyone out in the real world, be suspicious.
Second, think about how they interact with you. Will they agree to talk on the phone with you? How about Skype? Have you set a time to talk on Skype or on the phone but they blew it off, or something came up? What about what you confront them about it? How do they react? Have you caught them in a lie or in an inconsistency or contradiction? Do they have very strong feelings for you very soon, without much interaction at all? Do they want to be exclusive with you even though you have never met them? Are they going through a hardship and do they need money or favors from you?
Third, what are your feelings, and what are the feelings of those close to you. Does it all seem too good to be true? Does something about your budding romance feel off? Does something just not add up, or do their personal details just seem all too vague? Trust your gut. If you can’t trust your gut, ask your friends. Are they skeptical of your new online love?
Even if it turns out you are not being catfished, these red flags are also behavioral signs that it might not be a good idea to get into a romantic relationship with this person. Those who seem too good to be true might not be catfish, but there are plenty of ways to deceive someone without trying to steal their identity or extort them online. Someone who wants to rush into a relationship, or who has strong feelings right away, or who never wants to talk on the phone or meet in person is not a healthy connection.
This is an opportunity to employ some healthy boundary-setting practices. If you are drawn to someone vague, inconsistent, and obsessive, take a look at why this is so. We can investigate ourselves by exploring our feelings for others without hiring a private investigator.